The Party Ends

Four AM, 22 December 2005, my alarm went off.  It was going to be a long day.  I had two hours sleep and I was facing a twelve hour shift at the Arrest Processing Unit, Calgary Police Service.  I worked as Civilian Support for the Calgary Police.

My routine was to check the street to see if there was any snow on the ground. Small blessing this morning, there was no snow.

I had not turned on any lights, however there was enough light from the street that I could see Sue sitting in the chair in the Bonus Room, where I had left her.  I remember thinking that she was finally resting.  I went down stairs to the kitchen and put the coffee on.  With two hours sleep, I was going to need that caffine kick start.

I went back up to the Bonus Room, and looked as Sue.  I was concerned that when my daughter, Angela woke up, her dog, a Shih Tzu, would jump on Sue and startle her.  I thought I could walk Sue back to our bed and make her more comfortable.

To wake her up, I placed my hand over her wrist.

I was now fully awake and aware.

Her wrist felt cold.  I placed my hand on her neck, her skin was cold and hard.  She had no pulse.  I turned the lights on and realized that there was nothing I could do.  I was too late.

I wish I could describe how I felt.  The closest I can approximate is my reality shattered.  My legs buckled and I collapsed on the floor.  Breathing was an effort.   I was numb, physically and emotionally.  I knew I had to pull myself together.  I had to think of Angela and I had to look after Sue.

Calling 911 seemed like a waste of time.  There was no emergency, I was too late.  My best friend was sitting in a chair.  She had died while I was sleeping in the next room.  Some protector I was.  Sue had died on my watch and I had failed her.

I called the 911 operator.  Taking Joe Friday's advice, I gave just the facts.  My wife had passed during the night, my name and my address.  Did I really need to give my address?  The 911 operator should have call display.

My next thought was that I was not going to working my shift at the Arrest Processing Unit.  I called the "office", and told them I would not be coming in because my had died during the night. 

A police car was at my door within moments of my calls.  I hadn't expected that.  I thought that I was going to be arrested for being negligent with Sue.  I felt I deserved to be taken out in handcuffs.  The officer who attended told me that they had been sent to my house because I worked at the Arrest Processing Unit.  It was the APU who requested they attend. 

The EMS techs arrived shortly after the police.  Small consolation, they confirmed my assessment.  There was nothing I could have done for Sue.  She had been dead for at least an hour when I had found her.

After they had taken Sue away, I woke up my daughter.  Another reinforcement on my new reality.  I wanted to be as gentle as I could.  I told Angela that Sue was gone.

"Gone where?"

Be strong, set the example, for God's sake do NOT break down.  Angela was sixteen and had not had to face this situation.

I told her that Sue had passed away during the night.

My day was just beginning.

Sue's funeral was scheduled for the 28th of December.  Six days after her passing.  This was becoming a logistical nightmare.

The worst possible time to die is just before Christmas.  Most of our family and friends were back east.  Sue was from Montreal and the majority of our friends were in Halifax.  I made the calls to Sue's family.  Her passing was so sudden and so unexpected.

I made a posting to the Club; very Klingon - "Effective this date, Qoneqo has joined the Black Fleet."

The Black Fleet being the place fallen Klingon Warriors go.  Klingon Heaven.  

We had only been in Calgary for three years, so our network of friends was minimal.  

Only one person was able to get a seat on a plane for her funeral, my sister Julie.  She flew in from Moncton.  I still do not know how she managed it.

Karen was in Victoria.  When she heard, she drove to Calgary, non-stop.  By the time she arrived I was a wreck.  She arrived in the early evening of the twenty-fourth, with a bottle of Macallan's scotch.  We toasted Sue, and I think I drank most of that bottle.  As I recall, Karen was the last man standing on that Christmas Eve, 2005.

James, posted this tribute for Sue on his web site.  http://www.ikcvktan.org /Sue/Sue%20Larose.htm  If you have been following this blog, you will recognize some of the photos.

Another source of support was Jason.  He called me every day from Halifax over Christmas and until the funeral.  I haven't had a chance to really thank him for his support.  I think he knows how much I appreciate him.

The next event that I was to attend was Galaxy Fest in Vulcan.  There was a tribute for Sue planned.  I did not want to put my costume on.  Too many memories.

Sue and I had always "leathered up" together.  I would help her with her costume, she would help me with mine.  We would discuss the event, the people at the event, some mischief we would pull on some of the people.  Cons and events past.  Future Cons and events.  Putting the costume on was now - painful.

 When I was in Vulcan, I had the opportunity to talk with Casey Biggs and Vaughn Armstron.  They were the guest stars that year.  They both encouraged me, strongly, to continue on with my involvement in Fandom.

At the time, I was not ready to commit.  I left early on Saturday night, as I had not taken time off for Galaxy Fest.  I missed the planned tribute for Sue.

The members of Edmonton's IKV Swifthawk, made this for me.  Another one of my treasures.

Challenges

I was working in the Customer Service Orderly Room, or CSOR.  In CFB Halifax we had two main Orderly Rooms (OR's) and my job was to keep them stocked with Paper, Pens and Stationary (PP&S).  I worked with the companies who serviced our business machines, the photocopiers, fax machines, printers and computers.

A large part of my day was spent on the phone, taking orders from the CSOR's and placing orders with the suppliers.  As well, I was responsible for maintaining my own stock.  I also spent a fair amount of time out of my office, due to my other administrative duties.

My supervisor, who had just been transferred from a submarine, Petty Officer Perry Scope, (not his real name), did not appreciate my after hour activities. It got to the point that to say the word "Klingon" in my office was to be a chargeable offense. 

For a time, the members of the SonchIy used code words to talk about events and event planning.  I had to make it sound like I was taking stationary orders from the different OR's.  Sue would sometimes help organize events from her office, dealing with those who didn't understand or have time for the codes.

Petty Officer Scope would tippy-toe around the office.  On more than one occasion, I would sense his presence behind me.  When I would turn around, he would be there eavesdropping, listening to my end of a phone conversation.  He was waiting for me to say  the secret word, "Klingon" so he could yell "You're Charged!".  it was a fun game - for a while.

After an event one day, Sue and I had a conversation with my liaison Cheryl, the Director of the Children's Wish Foundation in Halifax.  My frustration levels had peaked, and what started out as a conversation between Sue and myself soon included Cheryl. 

Cheryl's position had her dealing with the sponsor's and major contributors of the Children's Wish Foundation.  When she heard about the conditions that I was working under, and how I was coordinating our events - she just laughed.  It was bizarre at best.

Cheryl asked if there was anything she could do. 

"Tell my boss what we do for the Children's Wish", I told her.

And so she did.

I was out of the office when the Base Commander and his entourage came looking for me.  When I was back in the building, people started telling me that the Base Commander and the Base Chief  were looking for me.  I was not expecting anything from Cheryl, that was a conversation that I had forgotten about. 
My first thought was, "This can not be good".  The only time a Base Chief looks for you is when you're in serious trouble.  Anything less than serious is delegated.  The presence of the Base Commander did not scare me as much as the Base Chief.   I also knew this was more serious than me saying "KLINGON " in my office. 

I made my way back to my office, expecting to be met by a waiting Military Police escort.

Instead, Petty Officer Perry Scope was waiting, with a copy of the letter. 

He looked like he had just sucked a lemon.  It had been delegated to him by the Base Commander and Base Chief to pass on their personal thanks to me for a job well done.  I doubt Petty Officer Perry Scope was as eloquent or as convincing as Capt(N) Mack would have been, however it was a dish served cold watching him choke out the words.

"KLINGON" was back in my dictionary.

Pot Lucks

Recognition is something babies cry for and grown men die for.

A baby cries for food and because the diaper needs changing.  It would be great if they could articulate these things, but all they know what to do is to cry.  They get fed and or their diapers get changed.

A soldier puts his life on the line for the medals he will get.

Recognition.

I don't know how many times I have said this to the leadership of KAG Kanada.  I said it at my Ship Meetings and then at the Squadron meetings.  People have to feel good about what they do.  The way to make them feel good is to recognize them for their efforts.

The vehicle I chose was Pot Lucks.  These were open to anyone.  As well as a form of recognition, they were used as recruitment and family events.

There are several different forms of Recognition in KAG Kanada.  They are covered in the General Rules and Guidelines or the GRG's.

Ranks, Honorifics,  Awards and Commendations (Ship, Squadron, Fleet Commander's and Senior Command Officer's), are what are used in KAG Kanada.  There have been exceptions to those covered in the GRG's.

Barry's Contribution

Phil gets his Imperial Starburst

December 20, 1998 Sqn Co Commendation

I was made very much aware of this at one of our Pot Lucks.  Denise, a single mother, had one of her friends consistently mind her children, so she could attend and participate in events with us.  I realized that without Denise's friend, much of what we had done could not have been accomplished.

At this Pot Luck, the SonchIy had morphed into a Squadron.  I was the Squadron Commander.  I presented Denise's friend, a Squadron Commander's Commendation, for efforts on behalf of Denise.  It was because of her efforts that Denise was able to participate with the SonchIy.

 When I called her up and presented her with the certificate, she started to cry.  I was caught off guard because I didn't know why she was crying.  I didn't understand.  When I asked why she was crying, she told me that no one had ever thanked her before.

Birthday Recognition...Happy Birthday Dave!

MarFest 97

The only negative aspects of MarFest 97 were Henry and Lloyd.  Any issues I had by the time MarFest actually rolled around were eclipsed by my new relationship.

I am going to focus more on the fun stuff.  Sue and I were now living together.  We were definitely on a learning curve.  We were four months into our domestic relationship.  Sue was looking at the looming and definitive six month mark. 

My marriage with my ex wife had been seventeen years.  For me, six months was not that big a deal.

These are some of my favorite pictures from MarFest:

This picture, a version I have already used, was taken at a WalMart store.  I wanted a photo of Sue and I together.  Sue did not like having her picture taken...unless she was in costume.  We were attending the Con on Saturday in costume, and we slipped away to have a portrait photo taken.

When we walked into WalMart, we did create a buzz.  We strode to the portrait studio, without an appointment I should add.  The folks in the store were gawking and the clerks behind the counter were bug-eyed at the sight of us. 

When we asked if we could have our portrait taken, they took us right away.  The backdrop they were using was new at the time, and as I recall, I don't think there was any discussion as to using any other.




April 05, 1997 MarFest.  Picture taken at WalMart.


The following Monday, we went back to the WalMart store, in our regular clothes.  We wanted to check on the status of the portraits we had taken.  When we were walking by the checkouts, we overheard some people talking about the seven foot Klingons that had been in the store on Saturday.  I am six two, and Sue was five four.  It was a thrill, overhearing that conversation and not being recognized. 

Later, when Sue would be deployed to Haiti, she had some leave that she used to visit her mother.  Sue was concerned that her mother would not approve of our relationship.  According to Sue, her mother could be very critical. 

This photo is the one she showed her mother what her new boyfriend looked like.  Her mother's only comment, "Tell me those aren't his real teeth."

Oh yes, the teeth.  A dentist I was seeing, found out that I dressed up as a Klingon.  When she found that out, she made those for me. 

Twice at MarFest, I had two people, on two separate occasions, tell me that they knew a dentist who could help me with my teeth.  On both occasions, I pulled them out and said, "that's wonderful!".

This photo actually got me a punch from Sue.  The Commanding Officer of KAG Kanada was at MarFest 97.  He came into our Society Room and exclaimed, "I need a photo for the Disruptor."  The Disruptor was the KAG Kanada Fanzine at the time.


I scooped Sue up and the camera's started to click.  When I put Sue down, she punched my shoulder and scolded me. 

"What were you thinking?", she asked.  "You could have thrown your back out!  Don't you ever do that again!"



April 05 1997 FarFest

 This is one of my favorite photos; I didn't throw my back out; and I like to think this was my way of carrying her across that threshold.

After hours at MarFest, I had assembled the crew of the IKV SonchIy, and asked the Commanding Officer, KAG Kanada to address "the troops".  It had been a very stressful four months with the formation of KAG Atlantik.  I had been promoting the benefits of membership with KAG Kanada, and having the presence of the CO KAG Kanada "in the same place, at the same time", I thought would be inspirational for the members.

He declined, stating that he was "KAG'd out".  Instead he wanted to play pool with Hank.  That caused me some problems because he had in effect validated some of KAG Atlantik's claims.  This was a major disappointment for us and I had to refocus the allegiance of the members of the IKV SonchIy from Commanding Officer KAG Kanada to Alan's leadership as the Ice Dragon Fleet Commander.  Ultimately, the loyalty was to the SonchIy.

It was at this point that I realized I needed a process in place to recognize and reward my crew.

Acknowledgement

I would like to take a moment to recognize my wife, Elizabeth.  She has not "Leathered Up", and I doubt she ever will.

She accepts the members of KAG Kanada as my extended family.  In 2009, when we hosted the KAG Kanada Twentieth Anniversary in Vulcan, AB, Elizabeth acted as hostess for seven members of KAG Kanada, in our home prior to and after the con. 

Literally, wall - to - wall Klingons.  All strangers for her.  She accepts my extended family, KAG Kanada.

Elizabeth is a teacher, and works with children, primarily K-3.   She also lives with the oldest Juvenile Delinquent - ever, me.

I love you Liz!