The Party Ends

Four AM, 22 December 2005, my alarm went off.  It was going to be a long day.  I had two hours sleep and I was facing a twelve hour shift at the Arrest Processing Unit, Calgary Police Service.  I worked as Civilian Support for the Calgary Police.

My routine was to check the street to see if there was any snow on the ground. Small blessing this morning, there was no snow.

I had not turned on any lights, however there was enough light from the street that I could see Sue sitting in the chair in the Bonus Room, where I had left her.  I remember thinking that she was finally resting.  I went down stairs to the kitchen and put the coffee on.  With two hours sleep, I was going to need that caffine kick start.

I went back up to the Bonus Room, and looked as Sue.  I was concerned that when my daughter, Angela woke up, her dog, a Shih Tzu, would jump on Sue and startle her.  I thought I could walk Sue back to our bed and make her more comfortable.

To wake her up, I placed my hand over her wrist.

I was now fully awake and aware.

Her wrist felt cold.  I placed my hand on her neck, her skin was cold and hard.  She had no pulse.  I turned the lights on and realized that there was nothing I could do.  I was too late.

I wish I could describe how I felt.  The closest I can approximate is my reality shattered.  My legs buckled and I collapsed on the floor.  Breathing was an effort.   I was numb, physically and emotionally.  I knew I had to pull myself together.  I had to think of Angela and I had to look after Sue.

Calling 911 seemed like a waste of time.  There was no emergency, I was too late.  My best friend was sitting in a chair.  She had died while I was sleeping in the next room.  Some protector I was.  Sue had died on my watch and I had failed her.

I called the 911 operator.  Taking Joe Friday's advice, I gave just the facts.  My wife had passed during the night, my name and my address.  Did I really need to give my address?  The 911 operator should have call display.

My next thought was that I was not going to working my shift at the Arrest Processing Unit.  I called the "office", and told them I would not be coming in because my had died during the night. 

A police car was at my door within moments of my calls.  I hadn't expected that.  I thought that I was going to be arrested for being negligent with Sue.  I felt I deserved to be taken out in handcuffs.  The officer who attended told me that they had been sent to my house because I worked at the Arrest Processing Unit.  It was the APU who requested they attend. 

The EMS techs arrived shortly after the police.  Small consolation, they confirmed my assessment.  There was nothing I could have done for Sue.  She had been dead for at least an hour when I had found her.

After they had taken Sue away, I woke up my daughter.  Another reinforcement on my new reality.  I wanted to be as gentle as I could.  I told Angela that Sue was gone.

"Gone where?"

Be strong, set the example, for God's sake do NOT break down.  Angela was sixteen and had not had to face this situation.

I told her that Sue had passed away during the night.

My day was just beginning.

Sue's funeral was scheduled for the 28th of December.  Six days after her passing.  This was becoming a logistical nightmare.

The worst possible time to die is just before Christmas.  Most of our family and friends were back east.  Sue was from Montreal and the majority of our friends were in Halifax.  I made the calls to Sue's family.  Her passing was so sudden and so unexpected.

I made a posting to the Club; very Klingon - "Effective this date, Qoneqo has joined the Black Fleet."

The Black Fleet being the place fallen Klingon Warriors go.  Klingon Heaven.  

We had only been in Calgary for three years, so our network of friends was minimal.  

Only one person was able to get a seat on a plane for her funeral, my sister Julie.  She flew in from Moncton.  I still do not know how she managed it.

Karen was in Victoria.  When she heard, she drove to Calgary, non-stop.  By the time she arrived I was a wreck.  She arrived in the early evening of the twenty-fourth, with a bottle of Macallan's scotch.  We toasted Sue, and I think I drank most of that bottle.  As I recall, Karen was the last man standing on that Christmas Eve, 2005.

James, posted this tribute for Sue on his web site.  http://www.ikcvktan.org /Sue/Sue%20Larose.htm  If you have been following this blog, you will recognize some of the photos.

Another source of support was Jason.  He called me every day from Halifax over Christmas and until the funeral.  I haven't had a chance to really thank him for his support.  I think he knows how much I appreciate him.

The next event that I was to attend was Galaxy Fest in Vulcan.  There was a tribute for Sue planned.  I did not want to put my costume on.  Too many memories.

Sue and I had always "leathered up" together.  I would help her with her costume, she would help me with mine.  We would discuss the event, the people at the event, some mischief we would pull on some of the people.  Cons and events past.  Future Cons and events.  Putting the costume on was now - painful.

 When I was in Vulcan, I had the opportunity to talk with Casey Biggs and Vaughn Armstron.  They were the guest stars that year.  They both encouraged me, strongly, to continue on with my involvement in Fandom.

At the time, I was not ready to commit.  I left early on Saturday night, as I had not taken time off for Galaxy Fest.  I missed the planned tribute for Sue.

The members of Edmonton's IKV Swifthawk, made this for me.  Another one of my treasures.