The Pop Tab Challenge - 1999

 

 The Challenge of 1998 was over, or was it?

When we got home after Toronto Trek 12, a posting was made on the KAG Kanada list that stated, "Qel Iv and the jokers of the SonchIy."  

I replied, in character, "I will not rest until I have your trophy hanging from my banner!"  In total there were three ladies who challenged me.  I was determined to win this challenge.

This set the stage for the even Greater Pop Tab Challenge of 1999.  This time though the competitors were the Steel Fist Fleet, Force Recon and the Ice Dragon Fleet.  I think it fair to say the Ice Dragon Fleet's champion was the SonchIy Squadron.

The pressure was on.  We knew that the Steel Fist Fleet wanted to assert their dominance in the upcoming  Pop-Tab-Challenge.  The SonchIy Squadron was determined not to be upstaged in the second Pop-Tab-Challenge.  We would pick tabs in restaurants, we would pick tabs in bars we would pick tabs in the streets, we would never surrender! 

And we did.

Every Friday night, Sue and I would spend hours at the Jr Ranks Mess Chief and PO's Mess and the Officers Mess in Halifax, pulling pop tabs.  By the time we finished, our fingers were sticky and numb.  We would hear similar stories from the members of the SonchIy.  

In hindsight, they were great times.  We enlisted anyone and everyone we could to pull the tabs.  

One of the conversations I had been involved in was the need for an alcoholic beverage that would not knock out the participants too early during the evening festivities.  There was a drink that was circulating, called "Darkon Ale".  I think it was a concoction of Vodka, Blue Curacao, and Triple Sec.  

Some of the stories that were produced by the ingesting of this drink will be declassified in ninety nine years.  

When I had been on board the HMCS St Johns, I had hovered around the Stewards when the ship made port.  The HMCS St Johns, when in port, liked to host parties on the Flight Deck.  We had an on board band, and would host, what essentially was a Kitchen Party.  The Stewards would mix up Moose Milk.  The recipe is a closely guarded secret, and I wanted it.  It took me two years to finally break down one of the Stewards, however I was successful.

When I was asked if I had any ideas as to what could be a new Klingon drink, I thought Moose Milk was different enough to qualify.  However, the name was not Klingon enough.  It needed to be ridged up a bit.  So, it was rechristened War Nog.  

For a Klingon Drink, we needed a suitable serving dish.  Sue and I had been 'veterans' of many military functions.  We discussed different ideas on what to serve the Moose Milk/War Nog out of.   One night while we were discussing this, for the umteenth time while we were sipping scotch, the idea of using a toilet as a punch bowl came to us.  The Throne Of Kahless was born.

I got hold of an old friend of mine, Dan, who is as off the wall as I am.  I met Dan in Comox in the mid 70's.  Dan was building dioramas when we were posted at Comox.  I told Dan that I wanted to use a toilet as a punch bowl.  I wanted something that was the antithesis of what people would expect as a punch bowl.  I also wanted something that was fun.  Dan liked the idea and agreed to work on the project.

Sue and I went to a plumbing supply store, and bought the brand new toilet.  We took it to Greenwood, where Dan lived.   

The Throne Of Kahless

 Over the next year, I would post to the KAG Kanada List that Klingon Clerics were on a quest to find the Throne Of Kahless.  I would occasionally post progress reports of their travels through the Galaxy.  As Toronto Trek 13 drew closer, I announced that the Throne had been found and the task of restoring it was underway.  I did not mention what the Thone was to be used for, and I suspect that there were a few people who wondered what the heck I was talking about.

The framed sign reads:

"After many years of research and painstaking restoration, SonchIy Squadron is proud to present
THE THRONE OF KAHLESS
Discovered in a sealed cavern on the home world, the throne is presented here as it would have been in the time of Kahless.  When discovered, the throne was complete with a roll of Warrior's Wipe, and an odd hidden compartment under the seat that even contained a section of Kahless' personal log.
Interestingly, even though Kahless espoused the tradition of spartan living conditions for warriors, careful observers will note that the throne seat is actually padded, although it is disguised to resemble raw ch'ta wood."

The Throne was to be a one time only gag.  Sue and I thought that this would enhance Toronto Trek 13, and then it would become just another Con story.  When we booked into our room at T-Trek, we used the luggage cart to transport the 'Throne' to our room.  We covered it with clothes and luggage.  I pushed it and Sue picked up the items that fell off.   We did not want anyone to see what we were transporting.  It was such a secret.

SonchIy Squadron Room Party

Sue had printed up business cards as an invitation to our Room Party.  We passed those out in the lobby of the hotel.  

Our party was crashed by some people from California who had heard that a party was in progress.  When I served the War Nog from the Throne, I was asked what it was.  I told him that it was Moose Milk.  He looked at me wide eyed, and asked what Moose Milk was.  The hook was in; I told him that I had my pet Moose in the parking lot, each year we would milk her and we served her milk at conventions.  He looked at his friend and exclaimed, "Must be a Canadian 'thang'".

I have served this to various Guest Sars at Cons, most of them being in Vulcan Alberta.  The best description of War Nog I have heard was from J.G. Hertzler.  He calls it "pantie remover". 

Mark Okrand and Qel Iv - Toronto Trek 13

I had received a phone call from T-Trek Con Com asking if I knew how to get in touch with Mark Okrand.  I was caught off guard and asked why I was being asked.  The answer I got was that, "we have heard that you party with Mark".   I was flattered that I was developing such a reputation.

I called Mark and asked if he wanted to go to Toronto for T-Trek 13.  He said he was interested and I gave him the contact information.

The best part was that this time when we met, I knew who he was.

 One of the things I was concerned about was the possibility of loosing the Pop-Tab-Challenge.  I knew where the girls would get their trophies, and I was determined to loose with as much grace as I would have as a winner.

To the members of the SonchIy Squadron, I motivated them, I hoped, by constantly telling them we were the best in KAG Kanada, and we would once again show that at Toronto Trek 13 by again winning the challenge.  I was also well aware that the competition would be very fierce.

In Truro Nova Scotia, Stanfields has a factory outlet.  Sue and I went shopping there and found red flannel underwear.  The full body type with the butt-flap in the back.  This was going to be the trophy I would put up.  I still had the image of Sean parading through the halls of T-Trek 12 and I envisioned the red flannels being paraded in the same way.

I took the underwear to the company that did our embroidering and had the SonchIy logo embroidered on the left breast, my name 'Qel Iv' on the right and the names "Recon" and "Steel Fist Fleets" embroidered on the butt flap on the back of the underwear.

I went to the Base Clothing Stores, lied through my teeth, and got Naval Captains shoulder board rank epaulettes.  Four thick gold bands, signifying Captain's rank.  I had the rank of Captain in the club.   Even though they were not  Klingon issue, they made their point.

We had just picked up the underwear prior to our departure to Toronto Trek 13.  When we settled into our room, Sue started stitching gold trim around my trophy, the underwear.  She literally locked herself in the room Friday night and most of Saturday. She came out for breaks, and these were to pass out the invitations to the room party.  The first appearance she made as Q'Oneqo, was the Grand Assembly itself. 

When the tabs were brought in, I was not sure if we would win.  I still wanted to give the impression that I was confident that we would win the challenge.

I took the microphone and stated that it was too bad that no one would see what they were loosing when I won and to prove that I was a gracious winner, I would wear what I had ready to surrender in the event I lost.   I told the audience that, in the event that I won, I would wear my trophy to breakfast the next day, Sunday. 

K'Char shows her trophy offering.

Today, when I raise my 'official' flag, those trophy thongs are affixed to the flag and I am still singing the song of victory.

I also knew that the assumption would be that I had a pair of boxers or something similar.  

The hotel had an elevator that was glass.  The elevator descended into the restaurant of the hotel.  The doors to the elevator opened on the opposite side of the restaurant.  I had to walk around the restaurant in the hotel to enter the restaurant.

The SonchIy Flag placed at the table.

When I am in costume, I do not wear my glasses.  I haven't had much luck with contact lenses, so I don't wear those.  I had Sue take the SonchIy flag to the restaurant and place it behind the chair I would be sitting at.  I am nearsighted, and this would give me my bearings when I walked into the restaurant.   Sue had set up the camera to capture the reaction.  In my opinion, Frank was the best subject to focus on.

The look of disbelief

This is perhaps my favorite photo of Frank, the Steel Fist Fleet Commander.  This photo was taken by Sue as I descended  in the elevator.  He was slack jawed.  I remember suppressing the urge to laugh as I was coming down the elevator.  The first thing Frank saw was my boots, followed by my legs and then the rest of me in the underwear.  

My entrence into the restaurant

As I walked into the restaurant, I passed a table of stewardesses.  One of them said, "If that's the winner, I don't want to know what the looser had to do."

In hindsight, it is a good thing I won.  I doubt the ladies would have been so brave.

Qel Iv and Kalot share a laugh.

K'Ostya (Stacey), Qel Iv's good side and Bernie

This picture made the cover of the last issue of the Disruptor, KAG Kanada's fanzine.  It was titled "The End".  Stacey almost had all the buttons undone, thankfully Q'Oneqo intervened.

The pop tab weight tally was very close.  I understand that some of the tabs committed that were not able to be in Toronto could have tipped the contest the other way, however I don't think the stories or pictures would have been nearly as interesting; of course if the Klingon women had worn their trophy this could have had an entirely different outcome.  Perhaps I could have thrown the challenge...  Ah well, opportunities missed.

People still tell me that they have buckets of pop tabs, should I want them.  I am at a point where I almost have a phobia about the little things.  When I see a pop tab today I think of Sue.