Q'Oneqo/Sue



This photo was taken at MarFest 97, this is also how she introduced me to her mother.  (Another story)



If I am going to tell the story of the IKV SonchIy, then I have to tell the story of Q'Oneqo.  Q'Oneqo was Sue's Klingon name.  She claimed it was Japanese for kitten. 

As I have written, we met at MarFest 96.  She was posted to Halifax in September of 96. 

We worked on the same base, Canadian Forces Base Halifax, we started having coffee together, we went to Happy Hour in the Mess together, we were involved in MarFest 97 on the committee together and eventually we lived together.

I think it is safe to say that we adored each other.

This is the beginning of our story.

When Sue was posted to Halifax in September, she joined the IKV SonchIy.  I think it is fair to say that her support group was the membership of the SonchIy.  Sue was coming up to her twenty year mark in the Military, and she just wanted to complete her contract and get her pension. 

Sue joined the MarFest 97 Con Com. 

Lloyd was also on the committee.  The line had been already been drawn with our Klingon clubs. 

As I stated, Sue and I were spending a lot of time together.  When we would go to the MarFest Con Com meetings, our routine was to go for a coffee at Tim Horton's after the meeting and compare notes on what had been discussed. 

I lived in Shearwater at the time, and Sue lived in Bedford.  After our coffee we would go in separate directions. 

Over time, it became a routine between Lloyd and myself.  Any suggestion or contribution I tried to make to the committee discussion, were shot down by Lloyd.  It was frustrating and tiring constantly explaining and justifying suggestions and contributions I had made.

At our coffee, after a Con Com meeting, I was venting my frustration about my lack of 'traction' in the meetings.  I was questioning my involvement and generally bitching about Lloyd.  Sue, who was sitting across from me, looked at me with a thoughtful expression and said, "Well, I didn't fall in love with Lloyd."

The thoughtful look went to one of wide eyed surprise, and her attention immeadiately went to the crumbs on the table.

The majority of Sue's income went to her apartment.  She lived in an executive suite in Bedford.  Her home was her "Sanctuary".  Few people knew where she lived, and it was very bad form to show up uninvited. 

We were doing something together one day, we were not in costume so I think it may have been for MarFest.  Sue needed to get something from her apartment.  I knew how protective she was of her privacy, so I suggested that I stay in the car.  She invited me to accompany her to her home. 

When we entered the apartment, I stayed by the door.  There was a closet to my left, the kitchen to my right with the dining room at the end of the kitchen area.  The bedroom and living room were on the other side of the kitchen.  I stayed by the door not wanting to intrude any further than I had too.

While she was looking for the item, I was introducing myself to her cat.  I later found out that was a test of sorts.  Sue judged her friends on how they treated pets.  I passed the "pet test".

Sue was looking for something in the bedroom.  I could hear her rummaging.  When she had what she was looking for, she returned.  She walked up to and kissed me.  Square on the lips.  Sue then snapped back, her eyes wide; her right hand came up, forefinger extended and she exclaimed, "Don't you ever expect that again!".

I have to admit that I was extremely flattered.  However, I was not interested or prepared to pursue it.  I did not want to change the dynamic of our friendship.  I was more than content to just spend time with her.

At a happy hour one night at the Mess, we found a quiet place and talked and talked for over five hours.  We closed the mess.  Sue's friends kept checking on us while we talked. 

On the 19th of October, after the Children's Wish Parade, I asked Sue if she wanted to take Pot Luck with us.  It was getting late, and I knew dinner would be ready.  I had my daughter with me.  Sue said sure, and we made our way back to the house.  When I walked in the house, I said to my wife, "look what followed me home, can I keep her!".

Sue had been in the house before, and knew my wife and daughter. 

In October of 1996, my wife and I decided it was finally time to get the divorce.  We both agreed that we did not want me to leave the house over the Christmas season.  We did not want to ruin that for Angela.

One evening as I was getting ready to go to a movie,  my wife asked who I was going to the movie with.  I said I was going by myself.  She looked at me and said, "why don't you ask Sue?"

I called Sue, and asked if she would like to go to a movie with me.  She said yes. 

Sue could be very direct and very blunt.  When I arrived at her apartment, she asked me why I had asked her to a movie.  I told her it was my wife's idea.  The only way I can describe this is that her face looked like it became unplugged.  We went to the movie, however I have no recollection of what was playing.

Sue had to go to St Jean, Quebec for an indoctrination prior to her deployment to Haiti in 1997.  She asked me to look after her cat, Guppy.  I had no problem with that.  I picked up Sue at her apartment and drove her to the airport.

The question of when I would be moving out was looming.  Christmas was over.  I was making enquiries about space being available in the Barracks in CFB Halifax.  This was a different situation because I was still using my entitlement for a PMQ (Private Married Quarter) in CFB Shearwater. 

On the twenty third of January Sue was returning from her Haiti indoctrination.  I was getting ready to pick Sue up, when my wife stated, "when you pick Sue up, don't come home."

I met Sue at the airport, and told her what the new plan was.  We had discussed this, but it was in the 'fuzzy-future', and now we were faced with it.  At this time, what I did not know were the fears that Sue had.  She had been hurt by men in her past relationships.  The longest she had been with anyone was six months.  She had been emotionally hurt, and blamed herself. 

When I had met her, she had promised herself not to get involved with anyone, ever again.  And here she was; or more accurately, here I was.

That night as I made myself comfortable in her sanctuary, with Guppy on my lap, Sue emphatically told me that I was on six months probation.  If she was not happy at the end of six months, I was gone.  Sue was taking control of the relationship, and she was determined that she would end it, not me.

Through out our relationship, I would tease her by asking how long I had to go when the probation would be over.

We were both very concerned about how the members of the IKV SonchIy would react when we announced that we were now living together.  We talked about this for hours.  At what point in the meeting we should bring it up, What objections could be raised and how we would answer them.  Worst case scenario, we would step away from the club.

As I recall, by this time we had moved our meetings to the Nova Scotia Hospital.  We had access to a board room.  A very professional setting.

At the meeting, after I had gone around the table getting reports, I told the group that I had an announcement to make.  I stated that Sue and I were now living together.  The response was a collective, "It's about time".  It was a matter of Ship's business, tabled and actioned.  Next....

We spent so much time together with the SonchIy, MarFest and work.  Neither of us tired of being with the other.  One of the nicest testaments that was said to me when Sue passed, was "if the two of you were at opposite ends of a room, everyone knew you belonged to each other."

In uniform, the Canadian Military, it is not allowed to show affection. 

Sue was French Canadian background, though she tried very hard to hide her accent.  In French, "I love you" in French is "Je t'aime".   I would receive inter office envelopes with a drawing of a jet as part of the address.  I questioned her about this, and she told me it was her way of saying "Je t'aime" to me.  From then on, all I had to do to make her smile, was mention the jet.

When she was finally deployed to Haiti, we made plans to be at the airport well in advance of her flight.  We had planned on having a leisurely coffee, prior to her having to go through Security.  We get to the airport, go to the check in counter and Sue realizes that she has forgotten her purse.  Her passport and travel documentation were in her purse.

I had gone from a leisurely coffee to panic.  I told Sue that I would get her purse, and ran to the car.  I drove to the apartment in Bedford and back to the airport breaking every speed and traffic law I could.  when I pulled up to the Departure door at the airport, I stopped the car.  I don't claim to have parked it, I just hit the break and put it in park.  I jumped out of the car, and headed for the main doors.  A stewardess was at the door, and asked if I was "Paul".  I said I was.  She took the purse, and told me the plane was waiting. 

The Stewardess asked if I had any message for Sue.  I told her to tell Sue, "Jet".  Sue later told me that when the Stewardess gave her my message, she broke down and cried, which of course confused the Stewardess.

Three years later, January 24, 2000 we were married at the Nova Scotia Hospital.  We had one of our Pot-Lucks.  Originally we were going to go in front of a JP and exchange vows privately and quietly.  The question of who was to be our witnesses became our sticking point.  We knew the people we did not invite would be hurt. 

We had amalgamated two households, so we did not need another blender or toaster.  We did not want our friends to feel obligated.  We arranged for the potluck, arranged for the JP, and surprised those in attendance. 

I used the Pot-Lucks to promote and recognize those in the club.  We would share food and stories.  It was my goal for those in attendance to feel good about themselves and what they were doing. 

I told the JP that I was going to make the announcement that Sue and I had decided to get married.  Someone would say, "It's about time!"  At that point, I would introduce the JP and we would exchange vows.  Sure enough, Denise was the one who made the statement.

Sue loved to tell the story that when the JP was introduced, the people in the room looked like deer caught in the headlights.